Your own tube of toothpaste
When you’re in care, you get toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo – all these things that are just for you – and your own money set aside to spend on them. It might be the first time that you’ve had these things.
But it can also feel different to a family home – you usually have to keep all your things separate, often in your own room. That means not sharing anyone’s tube of toothpaste, or swapping shampoos.
If you have Afro textured hair, it can be hard if your carers aren't used to looking after Black hair - they might not understand why it's important to you to get the right products, or not know how to help you care for your hair. Getting the right support to take care of your hair can make a big difference to your self-esteem.
"I thought that everyone didn't share their toothpaste"
“My girlfriend turned round to me recently and asked me if she could use my shampoo as hers had run out. We use the same brand shampoo – but we have separate bottles. And I always have my own toothpaste, own soap that kind of thing. She always thought it was that I was fussy about it, that I didn’t want to share.
It took me that conversation to realise that my experience wasn’t the average – I thought that everyone has their own toothpaste. But it turns out that in families, or in couples, people usually share stuff. It just hadn’t occurred to me! I grew up having to keep everything that was mine in a basket in my room – in all the homes I lived in.”
Alex*
“I have curly hair - so the products could be expensive”
“It’s always been separate – I had to use my own pocket money to buy my own toiletries. I couldn’t use theirs – I had to use what was in the box. Even now, me and my daughter have separate toiletries, because of that.
It’s not like at home – at home if you run out you borrow your sister’s, or whoever. But in care if you run out, you run out, and you have to wait until next week when the money comes in.
Every foster carer I had would say ‘This is your set allowance for the week, and this is for your toiletries. That included toothbrush, sanitary products, hair products.’
And also, for me I have curly hair so the products could be expensive. Then getting my hair braided – it cost £60, and my pocket money was not £60. My social worker had to go to her manager to ask if they could pay for the braids.”
Amelia*
"Young people of colour need a carer who can support them"
“I was previously in a foster placement where I was with a white family who didn't quite understand how to do my hair, how to support me with my skin. They did their very best, but I was having a really major identity crisis.
When I moved in with a family from the same background as me, I felt a sense of relief. My skin was ashy, they told me how to fix it. Everything that was about my hair looking scruffy, and being bullied about my hair was now fixed. Because now I knew how to look after myself.
I think we all need someone who understands us - especially young people of colour. They need a carer who can support them with that journey. Or if that's not possible, there should be training for carers who don't have that experience - like taking care of Black skin and hair.”
Rebecca*
Next: What else can you use toothpaste for?